There’s one question I’m asked by many women, regardless of whether they are struggling with infertility, miscarriage or infant loss: “WHY is this happening?”. That’s a good question I also asked myself. What GOOD could possibly come of this? How can any purpose be found in this? I learned I wouldn’t see anything good or purposeful without changing my perspective.
After losing three babies, I had to rearrange my thinking to find some good. Before doing that, I saw myself becoming angry and negative. I still struggle with that daily. I didn’t ultimately find GOOD in the fact that I lost three babies.
I needed to choose one of two perspectives. The worldly view or the Godly view. The world says I can blame Him. After all, He has the power to stop these things and He could have saved my babies. How could HE do this?! I spent a lot of time there. I finally realized I wasn’t supposed to know why. It hurt me when people told me God has a plan, but I learned it to be true. Beth Moore said, “I have come to believe there is a divine plan, an orchestration of events, opportunities, and encounters, not only historically and eschatologically regarding the people of God but for each person of God individually.”
That means God has an upper story and everything that happens while we are living out the lower part of the story here on Earth has meaning and purpose. Moore also says, “often all it takes for us to hang in there is the merest hint that something means something.” For me, I decided to stop trying to figure out why this was happening and instead focused on finding some meaning and purpose in it.
I got there by learning who God was and trying to get as close to Him as I could. We had a lot of hard talks and He knew I was mad at Him. I couldn’t hide that, certainly not from Him! What I found out through my studying and praying was pretty amazing:
1.) He was sad about this too. He was suffering with me. Suffering is a part of this corrupted world we live in. To think that God is up there with His crown and looking down thinking, “Well I showed her”, is to not know God at all.
2.) He cared more about my holiness than my happiness. Through knowing Him I would find the happiness I was looking for. The kind that no one, not even a baby, could bring me.
3.) He knew we’d have troubles. He told us in John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
4.) He suffered first. He sent his only son to die for our sins. The suffering that caused is beyond our human understanding. We may have a glimpse or even a taste, but Jesus was sent here to feel what we feel so God could relate to us as humans. When Jesus was suffering, God was too. Jesus even cried out on the Cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). He felt left and abandoned too, how must God have felt? It turns my stomach to even try to process that, but I do know I have felt that way.
I learned nothing was good about my losing 3 babies. I will never say I’m glad I went through it. What I can say today is that there was a reason. I couldn’t see it with a worldly view, but with a Godly view I came to learn I didn’t lose 3 babies for nothing. God made something good from this horrible experience.
Hannah’s Wish was a result of me trying to find meaning in my losses. Helping others in memory of those sweet little heartbeats I heard gives me hope, meaning and healing. I don’t want the years to pass with no one remembering my babies. THEY MATTERED.
What about your loss can be transformed into something that gives you hope and meaning? It might be something totally different for you. I have a friend whose baby boy was stillborn. She makes necklaces for mothers who have lost babies. That is how she is turning some of her own story into meaning and purpose. HE MATTERED.
Each of us has a purpose. We are all very special and loved. For some reason this is part of my story. I don’t like it, but I can’t change it. I’m encouraged by the promise in Romans 8:18: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” The glory that will be revealed in us!
Whether we like to admit it or not, the things we go through have a purpose. If you’re willing to seek God’s face and dig deeper, He’ll reveal it to you.
Founders Jenna and Jon Wright have gone through years of secondary infertility (infertility after first child), and three consecutive miscarriages. Jenna has had in on her heart for years to help those who have been through what she’s been through. She and her husband both share a great burden for those who have experienced losses like this, and wanted to create a group and environment where someone can come share. Healing doesn't happen until we share. It wasn't until after Jenna's third loss that she was lead to a place she could get help and share. She noticed some holes in the system and wanted to help fix it. She found her healing in her faith in God and in helping others.